he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
