and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
