I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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