My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
