Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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