I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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