OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
