She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
