I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
