I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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