It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
