Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
