i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
