Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
