you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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