dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
