was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
