i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
