What a fucking waste of an outfit
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
