Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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