Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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