so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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