just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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