dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
