That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
