Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
