This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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