the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
