Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
