The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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