I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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