Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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