I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
