This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
