can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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