i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
