I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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