If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
