The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i barfeds in our rink
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
