Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
