I want to walk on stilts...naked
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
