About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
