We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
