I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
