obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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