dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
