this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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