last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
