You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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