so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
