so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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