this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
