Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
