I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
