mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
